Year One Monologue

Getting clear on the vision is what brings you forward. It has been a year since I started posting every Friday. These are some of the lessons I learned.

I hardly look at my old journals. I rarely stop to appreciate the view and today I opened up to the date 8/17.

"I have been in a weird funk recently. really down on myself like feeling I have nothing to work work towards. I have really been chasing other peoples approval instead of chasing self mastery. over the past couple days I have really seen the ability to force myself to get up and complete these tasks has shown me I have the ability to work for my dreams." - entry 227 2024

Looking back on the past year gives me major perspective. I have accomplished so much since then. That moment was a catalyst for so many great things. In the moment I cannot really tell what prompted that line of questioning.

I was posting once a month on Medium for about seven months. By any standard that would've been better than average. How many people are posting on there? The average person does not even write, so I was beyond them. I probably realized I never want to be average.

No doubt I got a lot of inspiration from Russ. He posted a song a week for I don't know how long. It was a blueprint in way, not so much to copy. Just a direction to aim in.

A lesson I learned from this ordeal was, stuff just has to give. When you start to hone in on your dreams other things get kicked to the way side. It is everything. Your relationships, your mental health, your life, you name it. You lose a lot in this process.

It is worth the trade off. The things gained are worth more than gold. The confidence, the self belief, the trusting in your own word. You start to drill down on your true self.

A lot of people struggle to be themselves. The people I meet seem to put up this front, beta testing their personality with random people. They are scared to be themselves. I get their perspective. Especially with the new age of social media.

I have written about it a few times. It just seems like a dissociation. You have this online persona and the real you. I try to break down that wall with my social media. It would be a lie to say I am 100% transparent online, because I am not. There are words I parse and photos I exclude.

That is the next lesson. Just be yourself. No one can do it better than you.

When you are yourself people gravitate to you. People can smell the fakeness. They know. They talk shit about you behind your back. Which is the biggest thing I learned. People are jealous.

I had this belief that everyone wanted to see you win. That is true until you start to trounce them. When you start seeing some sort of height, that is when they bring you down. Down to their level, because you are going above them. It is a lot easier to pull you down than pull themselves up.

It isn't because they think you are lame. You are a mirror, revealing to them a leak in their potential. The thing about that is, they are just scared. Scared to try. Scared to be different.

Think about it, back in the tribal days. Being an outcast got you kicked from the tribe. Which got you killed. People are just scared to traverse the jungle alone, but that is where the fruit is.

A mentor of mine had this line that still sticks with me.

"People who mind don't matter, and people who matter don't mind."

Hate comes with the journey, it means you are doing something worth looking at. The hate inspires me to keep going. Not to prove them wrong, but to prove it to myself. I owe myself a lot, and that debt grows everyday I don't realize my potential.