Unlimted Upside

What if you belief in yourself more than the labels society puts on you? How well could it all turn out?

Self esteem is one of the greatest things you can invest in. It gives you access to this belief that anything is conquerable. Your wildest dreams, monsters in the night, and everything in between.

A couple weeks ago (maybe a month I can’t remember, this year has been flying by), my coworker was in town. I went into the office.

The conversation went a little like this:

I think those types of interactions accentuate one of my greatest skills. I didn’t say it to him in the moment. I thought on it a couple days later and it hit me. The willingness to look like a fool.

It sounds counterintuitive, who wants to be a fool. I think a lot of people are too scared to take risk, and they don’t say anything at all. People struggle with social anxiety. I get it, it is a tough thing. Risking it all on a conversation is a gamble some aren’t willing to make. What I have learned from working at a bar is that you learn so much from those conversations.

I have learned to chase my dreams. Those wild things that we envision when are heads lay in the pillow and the room is pitch black.

In order to chase dreams, you have step outside of your nightmare. A little figurative, but maybe that taps into the fear we all have. A majority of us are run by fear. In the evolutionary sense, we a programmed for “fight or flight”. We either confront the things that might be a danger to us or run from them. I think I run from my potential. The thing I know I have in myself to accomplish all the dreams that I make up in my mind. Even if all of them are not the things I want, I sometimes cower away.

Ya know even now as I sit here cowering away from my writing. I am struggling to find the motivation to write. I am looking around the room, staring at the ceiling, checking Instagram to see if some specific girl liked my story. I am anywhere but in the moment. Life has been feeling so monotonous recently. Just feeling like I am Ground Hog daying it. I am getting tired of it.

No doubt there will be bad seasons of life. And doing something in spite of having the motivation, is motivation. But man I yearn for something more. I just feel like I am hitting a wall. Doing all these things: exploring spirituality, updating my website, wanting to create chrome extension, updating my portfolio. Doing these things so that I can get a new job. Yet, the things I need to do in order to get an new job are not happening. So why keep saying it?

There seems to be a lot of wanting. Not a lot of doing. Something is in dire need to change.

Maybe I am just scared to try. I was previously and I guess in some arenas still am. I have been in a bad season of life recently. Not wanting to work on my writing or polish my resume so I look like a good candidate. All of these things are great and I should do these. I just don’t.

Inaction catches up with you eventually.

I have to become like the archer. The person who shoots the arrows in the direction of their dreams. The one who takes aim at monsters not knowing if he can kill them. It is better to shoot and miss than be left with a drawn bow. At least you tried to take down the beast. I am attempting to slay the dastardly and dangerous.

Doing nothing is a surefire way for my dreams to perish. I see it all the time. I love to complain about the minuet things, when the broader problem is me. Not getting up when I say I will, or working on updating my resume, or countless little broken promises to myself. I still fear looking like a fool.

Maybe that is ok? Learning to recognize the risk is the first step to meaningful change. As long I slowly start breaking down that wall.

Risk inherently breeds uncertainty. How long can you endure it? How long can you sit without the outcome? Not knowing if it’s going to pay off. The longer you go the stronger you become, and the easier the monsters are to slay.