5 Star Recruit

I have been trying to understand my own arrogance as of late. Wondering weather or not I am bragging or boasting. Only after looking at the past and wondering how the skills begin to connect can I see that I am progressing towards a better tomorrow.

It all started with that journal in 2023 and now as I sit here on my day off. Ironic, because even on the off days I am working on something. I came up with this idea last week called doodledad.co. A merch website where I planned to build the apparel of my life. Making things that I need, in hopes it makes my life easier.

I workshopped the idea with some friends and I think that would've been to niche. So I sat on the idea and bought a domain today. Which I think is a way better idea. I am waiting to drop it because I need to work out some stuff. Some things are coming.

I am discovering that I am the brand. No one is going to do me better than I can do myself. Building things that I need is the way to find out what other people want. In a new age where information is constant, it breeds a chance to turn thought into gold.

If you would've told me 2 years ago that I would be launching ideas like a boat. I would've said you are crazy. I think all of this goes to show that there is treasure buried inside me.

It is the things that come throughout all walks of life. Whether that be architecting a deal by with very little help. Even if my name is not on it. A 24 year old is dealing with big time contracts. Making sure that everything isn't falling apart. I am the glue that is holding it all together. That is bringing me stress, but it is all good stress. I get this imposter syndrome sometimes but the more I confront it the smaller it becomes.

While all of this is going on I am hustling on the weekends at the bar. Meeting all sorts of people, and guess what. It makes me better at my 9-5. Trying to understand the asks from the customers, directly translates to me understanding the direction the client wants to go in. Parsing between the lines.

The funny thing about it all, is that I was always a special kid. I was put into special classes in high school. I never wanted to be in there, but the school put me in there because I was getting bad grades. I wonder what that was all about? I surmise they were just trying to give me extra help so my grades could get raised. I always left the classes, even when they told me I had to be there. I would just wander the halls, daydreaming.

I always sucked at school. It was something about that structured learning that I despised. Maybe this line of thought does not go in this idea. Yet, I think there is something deeper here.

I always flunked out of school, not because I was dumb. I just never cared. The ironic thing about it is that I knew I could do it. If I sat there and tried I could always get it done. I wrote book reports on the hour bus ride to school. I just never wanted to do the work if someone told me it had to be done. I was special in my own right.

I have always felt like I never fit in. Still don't, even my grandma saw it in me when I was a kid. Before I learned how to walk, the logical progression is to crawl. I scooted. I scooted on my butt. I was weird from a young age.

It is a good representation of the place I am in now, I am weird and this ok. I like who I am and of course I will change. Yet, the things that I do not want to let go of myself. Are the exact things people try to rip away from me. Like my baby blankets that I used to bring with me everywhere. Clutching to them for security. Those safety mechanisms just evolve with you.