Orasi

I have been struggling a lot recently. Work has been getting to me. I have been over stressed and under lived. The upper bounds of my limit have been tested recently.

There has just been a lot of work coming down the pipeline and it has been hard to balance it all. It was starting to bleed over into my life. I have been off of my routine the past couple weeks. Lacking the will to get to the gym and having more wine than I like. I finally worked out yesterday and it made me feel so much better.

I have been battling a sickness as well, that coupled with burnout has left me feeling drained. I do see a silver lining out of it all. All these stress that I am under is good stress. I guess that is debatable, if stress can be good.

However, the opportunities that are presenting themselves are all littered with rewards. These tidbits of work are giving me a vision that no one can see. Me managing a big project at the age of 24 helps me on the weekends when I work at the bar. Dictating what should be done, almost guiding this project towards success. I begin to see the roads of life connect. The skills I am gaining are invaluable. It teaches me my worth.

A lot of people tell me I am wrong and overworked. The overworked part is probably right. My friends tell me I need to not work so much, but I like it. I like stacking these skills. Gaining knowledge is the only way to not be behind in life. While everyone is out partying, having too many drinks losing the next day. I am in the lab, cooking up my life.

I think people envy it a little. Everyone says they wouldn't want my life, and maybe that is me just being arrogant. Yet, I see the way people treat me. It is with respect, and people want that respect. Yet, very few are willing to put in the work.

Which is fine, but you have no right to be mad. You have the ability to change your reality, you just don't. That is alright, just take a look in the mirror once in a while. That is when you start to see the vision.

When you do not lie to yourself, and ask what you truly want out of life. That is when life really starts to change. People live their lives playing this gesture game. Going with the flow, so they are not left out. I used to do this and in some moments it still gets to me. Seeing people out having "fun". Everyone wants to fit in, but the person you have to spend the most time with is yourself.

Honesty is the only way to do that. Ironic, because I lied like a mf when I was a kid. I just lied to see if I could get away with it. Now, being on my own. I see how putrid it is to lie. I am not going to sit here and say I do not lie. Everyone does, we are not perfect.

It just gets to me because I know the person I used to be. That contrast is stark. What most people either ignore or fail to realize is that they are talking shit about you. Behind your back is where it all happens. People get offended by honesty, because they are so used to being lied to. In reality they do not like you, they just tolerate you because it would be inconvenient to say the truth. Those are the people I want to stay far away from.

This is why I have a very select group of friends, because it is hard to find people who say what they mean. That teaches me a lot of who I want to be. This vision that I see for myself. Once you see your potential it is hard to go back to what you were.

The vision is seen when you stop lying to yourself. So the real questions is, what do you want?