Artificial Limitations. This will message will find you when you are down, it'll bring you up.

In the brisk night, the wind is blowing feeling like ice cubes are being pelted at your face. The smell of exhaust fills the surroundings. As I step outside these are the things that I feel, as I walk to my car.

Wrapped up in my head, I get into the car. Knowing that I just need to get out of the house and change my environment. I sit down, I start the engine. It is not the loud grumbling that you could vividly understand. It is the shake of a V4. A simple vibration. As the warm air starts to move through the vents, and the car begins to warm up. I plug in my phone.

I open my music app and look for the song that I know is going to lift my mood. Music is always a good way to drown out the thoughts that repeat in my mind. It is taking longer to connect than normal, something must be going on. I grow impatient. So I pull down on the shifter and start to reverse.

As I am sitting in the driveway, with the bumper halfway into a snowbank that I missed on the backup cam. My phone connects to CarPlay, and begins playing that song I selected moments ago.

"Back From London Freestyle" is blasting on the speakers. I punch it into drive and begin my drive. That song always seems to get me in a good mood. Maybe it's the beat, maybe it is the words, but all I know is it helps.

My headlights are shining, and as I pull up to the intersection the light turns red. Still wrapped up in my head, the thoughts of if I will "make it" arise. Not a new occurrence. Just been up there more recently than I would like.

Now we are in it. In the spiral staircase slowly walking down. Step by step. The hip hop song is still playing on repeat in the background. It is on a loop, I listened to that song 300 odd times last year.

The music doesn't seem to be helping.

The light turns green. I hesitate for 3 seconds. No one is behind me. Then I snap out of it and press the gas. Driving down the small town road. You know the kind. The one that only has 2 lanes and goes right through the town. One way in, one way out.

I habitually head toward a coffee shop that I know is open late. It is about 20 mins away, so we have some time to ourselves.

As I head South, I take a peek at my speedometer. I am going 62 miles per hour, I consciously say to myself "I am going a little too fast". As I begin to slow up, I reach another red light. Not saying it out loud, but in my mind knowing I can't catch a break.

Something comes ahold of me and I silence the music. I turn it all the way off and just sit there. In my thoughts. Wild, I know.

As I look around, bright florescent lights to my right and a gas station to my left. Taking in the scene, sitting with it all. Instinctually, I pick up my phone (the light is still red). I snap out of it immediately, trying not to distract myself I put the phone back down. I realize in that moment I have a problem. When the need to scroll over powers you.

I take a breath and just be.

The light turns green and I slam on the gas. The tires screech. My hands locked to the steering wheel. That feeling of fake leather mixed with sweaty palms.

The steering wheel is beginning to heat up, just like my mind.

The silence begins to control the moment. Thoughts of being a failure start to creep in. Going back to "being successful", will I ever be?

That question keeps bouncing around in my mind for the whole drive. It is the question that keeps me awake at night.

I get out of the car in the parking lot behind the coffee shop. I begin walking through what feels like Antarctica. The wind is strong. I reach the door and open it.

Instantly, the air fills with hazelnut. In that moment I am lifted from my worries, temporarily at least. As I walk up the stairs to the cash register, I order my usual. A honey cinnamon latte (I know coffee at this hour is unheard of).

The barista gives me the aces of diamonds to put on my table. So they can remember who ordered what. I take it and place it on my table. I take out my notebook and begin to write.

I have so much to write about, the words begin to pour out.

That hazelnut gave me a bit of light. As I wrote, one thing became clear. Giving up is the only way they win. The only way to succeed is to keep going. And once you let an enemy take control of your destiny, you lose.

In that silence, I began to tell myself that I can do it. I saw some self belief. That lit a fire under me. Realizing it was always a belief issue.

I have always lacked that.

On that drive home I just kept repeating to myself that "I can and I will make it all a reality".

That was the quickest drive ever. When I got home I went straight to bed.

Determined to make the most out of it. I wanted to extend this new found belief, so the next day I got up early.

I woke up and opened the clock app on my phone. Went straight to the timer and set it for 2 hours.

I put my phone in my pocket and took my dog on a morning walk. I got back and went into the kitchen and put my phone on the counter. I left it there and wandered into the office. Where I proceed to pick up my book and begin reading. Sitting there in that chair chasing a goal of 36 books this year, I turned page after page. Ending the session with 40 pages read and a hunger to keep the great day going.

I got up and moved to my computer. I have been avoiding updating my website. So in that two-hour session I added a new dropdown menu to it. I also fixed a known issue in my DocSearch integration. So not only do we have a new site selector, but also you can search the docs for whatever words you want.

I shipped all of that in the morning. Published it and pushed it to production. That was a major win. There is something about knocking out the challenging tasks early in the day.

Being off my phone left this sense of joy in my heart, that is only replicable by doing the exact same thing over again. I not only felt that joy, I felt the most productive I had all week.

I realized that I was putting bounds on myself. Chaining myself to this false ideal. Not knowing if I could get it all done. That day proved I could. I could do it all. That is something I am carrying with me, like a torch. It gives my soul the light of knowing I am on the right path.