2 Year Monologue

It always seems to be the days when I want to stop being consistent that matter most.

It is so easy to fall back into your old habits, and wonder why you won’t win. The answer is right there. You stopped. I have been posting every week for for nearly 2 years. That is something I am proud of, which I never say enough.

But over the past month or so I have been really wanting to quit. The reason is because I am not seeing any progress. Or maybe progress that is invisible to me.

I feel like I am doing the same thing over and over again. I feel like I am insane or something, but anyway I keep going. This really sparked up in me yesterday. I was having some drinks with a friend.

I have been away awhile, and it was really nice to get that text “You in town?”. I responded instantly because why should we waste even more time. Then we met up at a wine bar and got to catching up.

She is in job application hell right now. She is looking for a new job, and has been going through some interviews. So there is some feedback coming her way, which is good. Yet she is 100 applications in and still nothing. I feel for her. Not to say I am looking for a new job or even that I was experiencing this when I got mine. But I can relate to her especially with this writing.

This post right here will be 104. That marks my two years doing this writing thing. Part of me deep down, like her. Feels like what is all of this for? What are we doing? Are we kidding ourselves? When will something break?

I try to remind myself on days like that, to just keep going.

Where would the joy be if everything was easy and free? That is the story that you will one day tell.

I know deep down that I will look back on the early days of my writing cringing that I was complaining about something stupid. The truth is that this is only valuable because it is hard to attain. Sticking to something day in day out, even when I wanted to quit more than anyone knew.

You have to be your own advocate, no one is going to argue for you. You are the only one. By definition a dream is something only you can see. So get to chasing.

To my younger self (aka 23): Keep going. On the other side of this is more joy than you can ever imagine.

To my older self: I am proud that you became a New York Times Bestselling author.