A rant to my younger self

In an age of AI, bringing a human element to writing is what will win. Nowadays we are just expected to act like computers. Seeing the world as a boolean value. It is either true or false, so much of life happens in the gray.

I wrote a bunch on the idea of being accepted vs understood. Then I have a day like yesterday, where I live up to my word. And man it just seems to be better. That following through on what I said out loud to the universe. It gives me a sense of joy that I am trying to put into words. I am still hard on myself, and people say I need to let up on that. I am not sure if that is in the cards just yet. It does bring up and old memory...

I was always an outsider now that I think about it. Yes, I was on the sports teams or I was always friends with the popular group. But maybe this is me just miss remembering. I did get cut from the 7th grade basketball team, even though I made it a year prior. I felt devastated by the fact that I didn’t make it. And maybe those moments shaped me the most. I am trying to remember whether or not I got treated differently after that. I can’t really say, but maybe it was always self inflicted.

Maybe I always felt like a failure because I didn’t achieve some goal that I set for myself. Maybe that hard ass was in me even then? It is an interesting question. And what does all this have to do with the current goals I have in life? I have no idea, but it might make me connect to people better.

The balance of being accepted by friends for who you are, and their needs they imprint on you is large. It was in me sine I was a child. What is it that you want? That is the real question. What are your dreams? It is not a question that I have really had an answer to. I have some blob of an idea, but nothing that I put to words.

It is so easy to get distracted nowadays, especially when you are pursuing your dreams. So easy to get knocked off course. Social media has made it a habit to check your phone when there is nothing to do. They have rewired us. I am not a social media hater. It is good in some ways. The ability to connect with people around the globe, share your art, and capture a little corner of the internet for yourself. I just find that I waste on it. I get upset when I don’t study as much for a tech certification that I know is coming up. Or don’t work as much on my side projects. I delay.

But when you are going after something grand. Things need to give.

All the bad habits and wasted time need to realistically be taken away. Maybe that is why people don’t win, because they would rather have their youth doing the things that make them happy in the moment. Drinking, partying, hanging out with friends. Then running towards a dream that only they can see. Or maybe those things just make me human?

I am not really sure what I want this to be about, maybe just a rant to my old self. The one that always breaks promises to himself. Not working on the things that needs to be done. I rather think “being accepted” is overrated. I would rather be understood, and maybe there is a line of questioning in there whether you could be both. Acceptance is on you. You are going to a group of people and saying this is what I have to offer. In hopes that their morals line up with yours. Understood is the opposite. Those same people are looking at you not agreeing with what you say. But they are ok with that. I would rather be understood that accepted. One bends your will to them, and the other lets them see you for you.

True growth happens when the actions you take match the words you say.