An odyssey, of some sort...

I am sticking with my word of trying to get 1000 of these in today. I am currently in Grand Rapids visiting a friend. I am struggling to know what to write about. I have been trying to slow down a little bit, not work on so much stuff while I am here. But like always there is this thing inside of me that needs to get it done.

I notice that I have been using Social media more than I should. Scrolling, and looking at everyone else. Maybe hustle culture is breeding inside of me from that? Like a virus, and I am looking for a cure.

I had a lot to drink last night, more than I should. I can feel the effects apply to my life today. My head hurt, like it hasn’t hurt before. I could feel that I was doing something wrong. I just find it very interesting that I did that. As always I am never learning my lesson when it comes to drinking too much. I know that I should enjoy my life when I am young, but what is the balance? If there is even one. What is the exact way to approach life? There isn’t an answer, and everyone’s life is different. Everyone moves at their own pace. I find that I feel myself wanting this life. The life of the homeowner, wanting to settle down and have what my friend has. Maybe there is a little envy in that. That he found it all. Maybe I am jealous in some sort of way. The way he built his life all by himself in Grand Rapids. Wondering if I will ever get something like that.

I find that when I am in Tampa I still feel like an outsider. An outsider to the city, not having found the people I can call my friends. Sure, the truth of it is that I have found people I can have fun with. Not so much people that I have had when I was young. It seems that Tampa is so fake, a Miami type of city. Just more North and on the gulf side. They are all trying to flex their lives, posturing to be seen. Am I part of that too? Did I want to start posting on social media, or write to be seen? Probably true, no one writes because they don’t have something to say. It seems that writers, whether they are good or bad just have a lot to say. Some are just better at telling a story, and getting you to listen.

So what does all of that say about me, what is the story that I am trying to tell?

A question that really needs to be answered, because without the why then what are we striving for? What is the point of having a goal, if there isn’t way to score? That was meant to be a little philosophical, like I always try to do with my writing. I jokingly call myself the poor mans philosopher. Especially when I am working behind the bar. Talking all deep and shit about life, like everyone needs to listen. Or that I even have the answers. Honestly, no one needs to listen. But if you say something loud enough, long enough. You surely will find an audience. Or that is my hope.

500 words in, not that I am really counting or anything. But running out of things to talk about. If the goal is to talk more, I guess I should come to the table with more interesting topics? It seems the solution to that is to read more. Always be consuming. I have been over consuming a lot recently, like the nature of Americans. The truth is I have just been filling my head full of slop. Wondering why my life isn’t like those I see online, but in that lies the answer. Everything posted on social media is a way to be seen. So only the best parts are shown. Nonetheless, if you want to be interesting you have to live a life worth watching or reading. That is probably the key right there.

Hustle culture teaches us that the goal is hustle, but what are we hustling towards? A future where we can spend it with our friends? Where we can sit down in our house and write? I can already do those things, so why not just do them? Instead of hustling to some imaginary point on a rainbow, and hoping that once I get there I will just stop. It is totally nonsense, similar to the idea that I was talking about with my friend at the wine bar last night. If the goal is to hustle harder to end earlier, so that one day I can sit down read, write and hangout with my friends. Can’t I already do that now? So why not just do it now? “No, but Trevor you need to hustle harder so you can have a big house and the you can do those things.” Do I want all those things? Maybe, I guess I would.

While I am a few words short of my goal. Trying to probe my mind, locating some ounce of creativity left in my brain. I sit here on my friends couch, in a calm house that his girlfriend applied the aesthetic too. Which I really love. It gives me a sense of calm. Surrounded by friends, doing the exact same thing I said I want to do when in the future. This is what I want, I want to see all my friends win. And of course in that process I want to see myself win. The goal is to enjoy it with your friends. We all help each other on the way up. Teaching what we know, and how we know it. Then eventually you build something so great it cannot be toppled down.